3 simple words "I don't understand"
I'm guessing for some, it's hard to comprehend why it'd be hard for anyone to say those words. But for me, I'd rather choke than utter them. Or at least that's how I used to feel. It was taking a risk to admit to others when I didn't understand.
Life is full of things that perplex me. I become more confused when dealing with people's reactions to my lack of comprehending something. Some will treat me like I'm stupid. Others will talk down to me like I'm a little kid. Some get annoyed. Some say I'm faking to get attention.
Google is my friend. It often leads me to the information that helps me understand what is confusing me. But sometimes Google leads me to misinformation or doesn't find what I need. At times, I just can't figure out the right search terms to tell Google what I need to know. Then there are the things that are just too abstract to use Google as a tool.
Not understanding leads me to getting stuck, increases my anxiety, prevents me from making decisions, overwhelms me, and hinders my quality of life. I am a person who needs to know. Quite often I need to know why or how. To me, "I don't understand" is as much an emotion as it is a statement. I feel the words and I don't like the feeling.
Somehow all the little pieces that makeup life fell into place and brought me a person who is safe to admit when I don't understand. They've never made me feel judged, belittled, stupid, silly, or an annoyance. When I admit to not understanding they try to help. There are times they help me slow the tornado in my head so I'm not overly bombarded by questions in my brain. When the tornado takes over my brain there's no pause to think of answers. I'm surprised that when the tornado is stopped I'm often able to problem solve on my own. And there are times I just need something spelled out in black and white and this person does so in a kind and compassionate way that clears the fog and lets me walk away feeling respected and with my dignity.
I'm grateful this person has found their way into my life and I want to say "thank you". The photo of all the thank yous is so appropriate. When I first started communicating with this person, I had a wall full of post-it notes. Things I needed to remember, things to do, appointments, projects, and inspirational sayings, were all on the wall. A collage of brightly colored squares that were meant to help me organize my life but in reality only added to the chaos. Dealing with the person who makes me feel safe has led to reducing a lot of the chaos in my life. I took down all the post-it notes except for one. The one left is a reminder. It says:
"Remember: Angry people are hurting, #BeKind."
Thank you, Joe. Over the last year, you've helped me understand many things. You've helped quiet many storms and brought me peace, understanding, and a feeling of acceptance.
Thank you to all of you who practice kindness. We never know what kind of storm is going on in someone's head. When we are kind we're given the opportunity to shelter someone else from a devasting storm.
