What I Learned This Week

Before I get into a list of life's lessons learned this week, I want to send positive thoughts to 3 people I love dearly. In one day I received the news that all 3 are fighting cancer. A painful reminder that cancer sucks. I pray they can beat this. Please add your prayers or positive thoughts to mine!

I've spent considerable time the past few months sharing some really personal things. In a way it has been freeing to do so, but also really scary. The fear of being judged is real. It's been rewarding to see some people comment that they can relate or to see people open up about their stories because I shared mine. It's helpful to know that the sharing of the dark things can help others. It has been super hard to deal with those who don't agree with me being open and honest. This week I was called a crazy person and I was told I should delete certain things from this blog and from my Twitter and Facebook accounts so others don't think the vapor industry is full of crazy people. I learned being brave comes with a price, but I also learned that being brave is something I must continue to do.

Someone I know and respect took me by surprise this week. They "did their research" about a project I'm connected to and instead of asking about it they made assumptions and then made threats. I caved to their demands. A project that was fighting back against illegal sellers of tobacco and vapor products to kids is now gone. I learned that I'm tired of fighting my own people. I learned I don't like myself very much when I should have fought back and didn't.

This week I learned if you make a bad choice and skirt the law, just own up to it. There are angry people in the world because they made the choice to do the right thing. Sometimes, doing the right thing can bring harm to that person or something important to them. They can resent those who didn't choose the right thing. By keeping mistakes and bad choices a secret, I was leaving myself open to someone using that choice as a weapon. My choice, as bad as it was, felt like the right thing to do at the time. I learned that one person's right can be another person's wrong.

I learned that sometimes when someone I know is wrong, it is more important to let them believe they're right than to prove them wrong. Sometimes protecting someone important to me is more important than my personal honor. I learned how to set a new kind of priority. After a lifetime of loading the evidence truck and dumping it on someone I disagree with, for once, I left the evidence in the warehouse, locked the door, and walked away. I learned going for a walk is a good thing.

Yesterday I went home early. I went out in my yard and laid in the grass. I realized I'm making a big mistake by never taking a day off from the shop and taking a day off from advocacy. I'm harming my relationships with my family and friends when all I can talk about anymore is Tobacco Harm Reduction. I have turned my life into a tunnel and am denying myself my favorite view - vivid green tree tops against a bright blue sky. My husband came out to see what I was doing. He laid down beside me and held my hand. I felt a connection to him I haven't felt in a very long time. We killed an hour talking and laughing. This was us when we were young. I learned I miss that feeling.

In the end, I learned the most important thing is to do the right thing for the right reason. I learned that people have power over me when I give them that power. This week I learned to take my power back.